Hey beautiful people! How are you feeling about a new decade?! Admittedly, as each year ends and the pressurizing prep into a new one begins, I find myself side-eyeing the people who have impressive goal lists and resolutions. All those lists are annoying, and I’m tired.
Artists are accomplishing and performing all year. If you’re not an artist but you care for them (artist guardians) you still perform. Hang backstage for one gig and you’ll see that what goes on behind the curtain is as impactful as the front side. Maybe we need a different strategy to goals.
I’m looking at wellness. Artists spend much of their lives in a flurry of achievement and that rhythm often crowds out proper body and soul care. Artists and guardians both need a sustainable wellness focus to re-center our performance-driven existence. Here are my top recommendations for our five integral and sacred elements.
PHYSICAL wellness
- Hydrate! More water, and raw juicing. Juicers are affordable and you can juice as a daily meal replacement for optimal energy.
- Moving more outside, going barefoot occasionally for regrounding, Earth connection via hiking and walks.
- Eating more plants.
EMOTIONAL wellness
Evaluate the voices in your life. Feel them instead of listening to them – what effect do they have on your wellness?
Who sits in the dark with you? Those are your true people.
First, we need to define toxic people. They can appear in multiple ways to each individual, but here are a few fundamental examples…
- They feel unhealthy, and the energy or space around them is negative. (You’ll know this when you feel exhausted or spread thin and crispy after spending time with them). The consequence of time spent together may not always be glaring, but you will find yourself circling back over and over as to whether or not they can be trusted. That circling alone is an important clue.
- They may have a propensity to betray others or use people for their personal advancement. This behavior is alive and well in the music industry – and touches both artists and guardians. Your partner may tour with a huge band, and that will guarantee that you’ll have people befriending you for reasons other than your awesome heart. Don’t pay too much attention to who’s there for you when you’re succeeding. Instead, look very closely at who’s around you when plans fail and you’re struggling. Who sits in the dark with you? Those are your true people. Trust is fundamentally built inside hardship, not during the wins.
- They are not cognizant of their personal pain and instead of transforming the hardships of their own life, (via therapy/spiritual work) they simply spread the pain around in their unconsciousness. Doing the work is the shortcut (!!) but they take the long route.
Once you’ve defined what a toxic person looks like to you, it’s imperative that you begin a process of *cleansing those voices out of your absorption routine. With the space that’s left, you can invite in the nurturing life-givers.
If you’ve lost connection with what a healthy friendship feels like, ask again, how do they make you feel? The reciprocity with them is gentle and easy from the start – you might notice that you’re simply rejuvenated instead of tired. They’re the people you meet and feel an instant “I’ve known you forever” comfort. Their values align with yours (note: THEY HAVE VALUES). They honor others. I guarantee you’ll meet them in the most unexpected spots, but if your awareness is stuck in a fog from the bad vibes of the former toxic types, you won’t have the energy or space to invite in the right people.
Doing the work is the shortcut.
I met one of my dearest friends during disaster – an immediate, hilarious one, and then a different type that followed. She was serving on a childcare staff at an event and I got called into the class because my kid had a blowout and I hadn’t brought in his diaper bag (turned into my best #momfail ever!) She was so cool and considerate even though I was flustered and feeling dumb. (Clue #1- people tell you a lot about their true empathy inside a shit moment – ok, pun intended.)
The next week we met for our first hang (a playdate for our cute babes) and a soul friendship was forged as we pushed our kids in swings.
She also walked beside me through the darkest summer of my life.
Keep the noisy, pestering voices down low to allow your heart and eyes space to see the true souls that are meant to shape your community.
We each have significant work to do. Team building matters.
DISCLAIMER: A word about *cleansing… there’s no way to fully extract the toxic types from your life, and you wouldn’t want to because they are also miracle grow for your character. They’re all a gift, even if they’re in shitty wrapping 😂 Life is void of it’s deepest fullness when we only keep easy people around us. We all prefer the nurturing, loving ones, but the prickly individuals call on us to a greater capacity – of compassion and patience.
The essential difference here is inner circle vs. outer acquaintances. Gentility and honor make no distinction, and we are called to kindness to all. Simultaneously, wisdom calls us to use our edit function.
MENTAL wellness
Your life work as a creative (or whatever your calling) is deeply connected to the quality of your mental health. Feeling productive and seeing progress in your craft may happen naturally to you, but I speak with creatives every day and one common thread is this – it’s a grueling process. It rarely ever shapes itself into the final product you wanted without your deliberate, guiding hand.
Each day needs intentional time set aside for nurturing your work.
And you are not an island. As grateful as I am that mental health is finally a conversation around dinner tables, the road ahead is still very long. For me, addressing this topic starts with asking for help. I am an independent woman, and I generally don’t think of myself as needing help but inside that strength is a resilience that can keep me isolated.
Isolation is not your friend. Community, shared space, participation in life’s hardships – that’s where the power is. Humility is what allows us to speak when we need help, and it’s a practice. Just like our art, we become better at it as we practice it.
SPIRITUAL wellness
Regardless of your spiritual leaning or view, an acknowledgment of your Source and the interconnection between all living beings is a unifier. We need unity, and every disaster happening globally points to this.
- Find the ways that best connect you with your Source, and then honor others who have a different path.
- Don’t corner people and argue with their choice… if you question where they are, then listen to understand.
My path is attending church, meditation, running in nature, and practicing forgiveness. Yours may include crafting your art, serving others, or attending your temple. Let’s love each other for whatever it is we do to connect with our Source.
Find the ways that best connect you with your Source, and then honor others who have a different path.
SEXUAL wellness
You’re a sexual being as much as you are a spiritual one. They reside in the same wrapping, both guiding your humanity. There is no hierarchy of the parts that make you human – they are each distinct and yet equal in their importance.
You might be saying duh. Hopefully you’ve mastered this concept already, but speaking from my own experience I can say that it took a long time and a lot of work to be here, and the road of understanding – plus welcoming it without shame – still stretches in front of me. I’m embracing it as a lifelong pursuit.
The stories we are taught about our bodies as children reside and guide. Particularly the one about how dangerous our sexuality is. Our culture has distorted what healthy sexual functioning should look like. Either sex is hyper-focused and extreme or it’s hidden in guilt that creates a path for perversion. We see this manifest inside traditional religion when the shame becomes a license for dark behavior and exploitation of kids.
Our culture has distorted what healthy sexual functioning should look like.
I grew up inside the outlandish 90s purity + abstinence culture. (I see you, recovering Josh Harris followers) What we’ve discovered now from much of the youth shaped by that era, is that it was more than bizarre. It was debilitating and disabling. Fundamental religion dictated a way to be, but the outcome didn’t deliver what was promised. Additionally, there are many humans who didn’t grow up inside a cultish ideology who still find themselves perpetually struggling in relationship with their bodies. It’s been complicated for too long.
I married young, and for several years into my marriage, I existed in a purgatory of delusion. It took a crisis in my relationship – and erotic recovery therapy – to show me the way forward. In each category, my wellness is not reliant on another human being or their choices. That’s refreshing to say about happiness in general, but when you say it about sexual wellness? People get super weird. Does my partner help me maintain my dental hygiene? No. Is my ability to be safe in my body and secure in a place of self-pleasure up to them? Also no. Our culture gives us a wildly sexy view of how to exist inside coupling and desire, but… what if you don’t feel good in your own skin, alone? You don’t bring any more essence to your sexual partnership than what you provide for yourself. The same is true for self-compassion, self-love, self-worth.
Are you comfortable asking questions? If so, start there! Question your perception of your body, of who you are as a sacred and sexual being. Learn, grow and push the envelope on your wellness in a subject that is – STILL – taboo, and ridiculously so. It’s no coincidence that a passing google search will show that orgasms are connected to heart health, mental wellness, and increased mood. Be curious!
Cheers to wellness in 2020!
xo, Sarah
