[Yeah, yeah. That post title is a nod to my 8 year old who loves puns 🙂 ]

Hey road family!

It’s December.  Jingle bells, plenty of peppermint mochas and party outfit shopping, anyone? 

In truth, a lot of us are feeling the dread of navigating uncomfortable family dynamics, and the pressures of attending endless events.  

Those feelings are intensified for the artist community after months of touring and little self-care. 

There’s no doubt that holidays for touring artists + guardians require a different set of guidelines and a more formulaic approach. Achieving a nourishing and healthy downtime will not just occur. It takes strategic planning, guys! 

Reframing holiday traditions based on your needs…

My partner and I chose early in our journey to keep our holidays unconventional. 

First,  based on the fact that we are artists and we are serving people ALL FREAKING YEAR.  And secondly, if we don’t take this off time to care for ourselves we have a reduced chance of starting a new year with the right elements for success. 

By unconventional I mean that we allow every year to evolve into exactly what we need it to be, with no traditions except the freedom of letting each year be its own adventure.  

Ironically, this hasn’t always translated as holidays spent together. 

One year I met my girlfriends at the beach while he road-tripped with his dad to the desert.  We met up for New Years after our individual downtime. 

As parents…

Leading up to the break, we take a look at each of our kids and what their CURRENT needs are. This includes accounting for the functional partitions that exist with a middle schooler, 2nd grader and 5 year old. 

That evaluation prevents us from making firm choices 2 months in advance as their needs will shift by the time Christmas gets here. We make a loose plan a month prior,  and leave plenty of room for augmentation. 

Navigating your outer circle…

What about outside factors in your community and the E word?!  Expectations of extended family and friends are a general concern for us all.

Initially, sharing your need to pull in and do what’s best for yourself may not be met by enthusiasm. Their reaction can’t be your burden, although there are things you can do to set up expectations to be more realistic. 

1 – Invite them into an honest conversation

Have a conversation to talk about your needs and to say honestly that you need this time off to recharge. 

They, in turn, are part of your art by supporting your care. Everyone wins!

Truly, the concept of artist guardianship isn’t allotted to only an artist partner.  It’s adaptable to anyone who wants to be a part of the larger care of artists.

2 – Seek alternative times that work for everyone

Plan ‘other’ time that can be spent together that’s not holidays. 

For touring parents, often kids’ fall or spring break falls on a tour window, so that can be the right opportunity for the other parent to take the kids to grandparents. 

Leaving the holiday time open for immediate family connection is the goal here, and adjustments can be made the rest of the year to enable that. 

3 – Place boundaries and then expect a shifting of roles

The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are those who benefited from you not having any

I’m not overstating to say that this was life-changing for me, because boundary-setting turned into a short cut editing process for my life.  

Putting up boundaries around your holiday plans may receive negative feedback, but your ‘yes’ said resentfully will lead to worse issues in the long play than if you’d authentically said no at first.

As a result of your boundaries, you may then need to accept a shift in your relationships. If your community isn’t respectful of your self-care holiday needs, you note that reaction. You continue to approach them with love, but they’ve provided you clarity in showing their inability to advocate for you. 

4 – Realistically see the pressures of charity and service

Culturally, there’s a deeper focus on charity and service around the holidays. 

December may be the only time that some people serve anyone else, but the artist community serves year-round through shows and artist care, touring and creating for the audience. 

Your best charity effort? Caring for you for a minute!

One artist friend said they’re researching and finally purchasing a new mattress as an investment in better sleep = better creativity = better writing = better shows. See the pattern?! 

We need a modified approach to avoid pressure guilt.  This is done by acknowledging what we’ve already accomplished throughout the year, with little fanfare.

Exit the holiday stress cycle…

I’ve been in numerous variations of conversations with artists about their holidays and the ramping up of stress and trying to decide who or which part of the family to spend time with and how to manage those people’s feelings and… and…

…what if we just stopped? 

What if we ended the stress pattern of taking care of all those people and stopped making choices for them. It’s liberating!  

December 25 is only a few weeks away and your plans may be in place, but it’s not too late for a course correction! 

How amazing is this artist life?!

One of the luxuries of the artist life is the ability to shape our lifestyle in exceptionally specialized ways. We may not always feel in control the rest of the year, (looking at you, canceled tour) but taking advantage of the freedom to create a holistic holiday space is an example of our potential for shaping. It’s something I’ve become grateful for.

Good luck and may your spiked nog flow – shared with the people of your choosing!

xoxo Sarah